The Real Poop--Grant Writer

Give me the money! First Baptist Church on the Way needs it to fund a new playground/tutoring center/counseling program/internet cafe (hey, ministry is hard work and the saints need a good cup of Joe every now and then). Granted -- I know, bad pun -- that might not be the best way to ask for it (you actually do that with a proposal). But, let's face it, as a grant writer that is your end goal -- to get the money. If you are one of those noble people who have trouble asking your parents for money because they have already sacrificed so much, well, shake it off. Grant writers can be crucial players when it comes to procuring funds to do some good. As your sacrificing parents would say, "you'll never know if you never try." Well, if you never ask for money, they'll never give you money.

So, once you've established that you've got chutzpah to go after the cheese, what does it take to make sure, as best you can, that you don't come up short when you submit your proposal for a grant? First, you need to know how to write. Obvious, right? To make sure your writing skills are stellar, it helps if you choose a writing intensive major in college (where you WILL graduate with at least a bachelor's degree). But, you say, "My major is going to be Bakery Science!" Don't you fret, Betty Crocker, there’s still hope. Somewhere, there is a start-up that wants to give the world yet another pop-up gourmet cupcake truck (pineapple- cinnamon- ginger anyone?) that will help bring peace to the hood (more specifically, the part of the hood on 5th and Market) and they will need your knowledge to make it happen. 

Wielding industry-specific knowledge is crazy helpful when submitting proposals for grants. And, there is no shortage of available courses, either through colleges or online, that will help you nail the writing part. Besides, if you're going to major in Bakery Science, you're going to need a Plan B. To catch, and hold, the attention of the grant-giving eye, you must:

* Analyze the intended audience for your proposal to make sure that you target the right sucker foundation that says, "Yeah, we've got 200,000.00 to help bring peace to the corner of 5th and Market via cupcakes."

* Analyze (analysis is very important) exactly why you want to bring peace to the corner of 5th and Market. Nordstrom’s Rack is already there -- what else do you really need? You'd better make your case...clear and strong.

* Research. You must gather information on cupcakes and their influence on the human psyche to back up your peace theory. Given the other, uh, recreational activity (weed) on that corner, perhaps you could also make the case that the cupcakes would alleviate the munchies, thereby making everyone less grumpy.

* Actually write and format the proposal. No time for fancy prose here, Betty. This is a time to follow the rules of the game and stay inside the lines. Shoot straight and get to the point with lots of good statistics, charts, a killer budget, the qualifications of the people who will be using the money, and DELIVERABLES. Yes, you need to give some concrete examples of what will happen as a result of these cupcakes.

* Revise, edit, and proofread your proposal.

* After all of this, it's time to Submit the Grant. And for this, you'd better have the skin of a pachyderm -- you will experience (gasp!) rejection. But if at first you don't succeed, suck it up and try again.

If all this sounds good to you, then read on! All sorts of organizations NEED grant writers --universities, and arts and social services organizations, just to name a few. You could work as an employee for one of these or, if you like a bit more freedom (you see yourself as more of a Starbucks/Apple laptop kind of guy/gal), you could work on a contract basis. And, there are many institutions such as government departments, corporations, and various foundations that regularly, usually annually, release their Request for Proposals (the fancy industry acronym for that is, well, RFP). Typically, you can find this information on line. Study their guidelines -- heck, talk to someone in charge -- to make sure you find the grant that is the best fit. Grant writing takes a lot of work…don’t be random.

Here's where we acknowledge Joseph Heller for his ever useful contribution to our lexicon -- Catch - 22. Flash forward. Boldly ignoring all wise counsel (youth), you majored in Bakery Science anyway, BUT you took grant writing classes, too! Armed with your new knowledge, and no Bakery Science related prospects, you turn your sights towards grant writing and are stopped dead in your tracks. Why? Here's the Catch-22: to get a job writing grants you need experience and you can't get it without some experience -- dang. So, here's a tip. While in college, make those summer internships count. Look for volunteer or internship work as a grant writer. If you know that you want to write grants for a specific industry, look for opportunities in those areas. This will help you stand out from all those other grant writing-seeking graduates with zero experience. Prepare to do some good.